Curiosity Killed His Innocence: Purrs of Desire
by RainbowRepublic
Summary: Kitty doing Creep. Cat lovers, we so sorry. So very, very  not  sorry.


**You read it right. This is a fic about Voldemort and Crookshanks. My co-writers and I (check them out, their names are in the authors note at the end of the story) were discussing the grossest ship pairings when someone suggested this monstrosity. We just started writing it, everyone writing a different paragraph without hesitation. That's why the writing styles are different throughout the story. Can you tell which paragraphs are mine? WARNING: This is really disturbing to most human beings. Cat lovers, we are so sorry. So very, very sorry.**

Curiosity Killed His Innocence: Purrs of Desire

Crookshanks, lost and alone, wandered around the dark depths of England until he came across a large mansion: Malfoy Manor. The poor, lost ginger cat just wanted to curl up next to the fire, so he worked his way through the several gates guarding the manor, and through the mysterious gardens. He climbed up the wall of the mansion and plopped down on the window sill. To his surprise, there were voices coming from the room.

There was a tall boy with white/blonde hair talking to someone sitting in an armchair facing the door. Crookshanks became very curious to find out who this was, so he mewed innocently.

"We have a visitor, Draco," spoke the voice. "Do not deny him our hospitality." The blonde's head snapped up towards Crookshanks and said, "That...That's the Mudblood's cat! What on_ Earth_ is it doing at my home?" He spat the word 'Mudblood' angrily.

Nevertheless, he obeyed the Dark Lord and approached the window.

Draco roughly scooped up the ginger ball of fluff and carried him to the armchair. Crookshanks hissed as he was hoisted off his feet. The cold voice came again. "Bring the creature to me. Here, kitty, kitty..."

"Give. Me. The cat." Voldemort stretched out his hands and gently took the cat from Draco. Crookshanks mewed happily, finally being held carefully after months of wandering alone. Voldemort's red eyes looked into Crookshanks' big innocent brown ones as he began to pet the cat's back and curl his tail around his bony white finger.

Scared and confused, the ginger cat tried to leap out of his assailant's hands. "Come now, don't make a fuss. I don't want to hurt you."

I don't want to hurt you. That had been what Crookshanks's first owner's promise to him, yet now he stood, half his right ear missing and a deep mistrust for men embalmed into his heart.

"It's been a long time since I've felt the warmth of a feline's fur," Voldemort chided, stroking Crookshanks's long bottlebrush tail. "How would you like to become my...pet?" Crookshanks purred, registering the voice as nothing more than a caring sound he had not heard for so long.

The poor cat thought he was in for a good night's sleep at last, but he was horribly wrong. Voldemort pulled out his wand and cast a spell on the cat. "Imperio," he said with a flirtatious smile on his face.

"Dance, my pet, dance!" he commanded in a husky voice. Crookshanks tried to resist, but he was putty before the powerful demonstration of magic by the even more powerful wizard. He mewled gently, hoping his new master would take pity on him.

Crookshanks was up on his hind legs, prancing around the floor in front of the Dark Lord. Mewing desperately, the poor cat was now doing the creep. Voldemort let out a hearty guffaw at the cat's ridiculous behavior before he released the spell and Crookshanks ran up the nearby bookshelf, hissing angrily. He was cold, and tired, and hungry, and Voldemort made a fool of him.

His pathetic mewling was to no avail, however. Voldemort cast the spell once again, showing no mercy. "Now, come to me! Come and warm me; these stone walls do nothing to keep out the drafts!" Voldemort cackled wickedly. Draco watched painfully as Crookshanks was forced to leap upon the Dark Lord's shoulders, enveloping his neck in a furry embrace.

Involuntarily, Crookshanks started purring, the vibrations running deep throughout his body. The Dark Lord smirked and whispered into his embarrassed feline companion's ear, "I've always had a thing for gingers." Appalled, Crookshanks leaped off the shoulders of the pale man, trying to fight the curse.

"M-my Lord, I think the cat's had enough." Draco stammered, wringing his hands uncomfortably.

"Silence, you insolent swine!" Voldemort hissed. Draco shrunk against the wall, not daring to speak again. "Now, my purring partner, will you be as kind as to entertain me? Go on, roll around! I love watching a kitten at play..."

The carpet was rough beneath Crookshanks's fur as he rolled across it, twisting on the spot as the Dark Lord flicked his wand in the air. "That's a good little kitty," he said quietly, relishing the moment.

Draco gulped, horrified and intrigued by the sight before him. How the most powerful dark wizard of all time had been turned on by the Mudblood's furball was a mystery to him.

Crookshanks jumped up to the top of the grandfather clock and hissed. _How dare he!_ Thought the cat. _All I wanted was a nice nap by the fire, but now I've got an evil wizard flirting with me._ Crookshanks stuck his nose in the air, acting as if he were too good for the man below him. Voldemort chuckled.

"Too good for me?" he said, as if reading the cat's mind. "Well, that's not how one should treat his master. Accio Cat!" Voldemort yelled, summoning Crookshanks, who was clinging onto the grandfather clock for his dear life. His claws were scratching the old mahogany wood which had been in the Malfoy family for over 600 years.

"My Lord, the clock! It's very valu-" Draco was cut off by Crookshanks' loud cry for help. The cat's claws had given up and he was thrown back into the lap of the flirtatious man who forced him to do the creep yet again. Voldemort laughed, tears of mirth falling from his slit-like eyes.

Draco was familiar with interspecies relationships; his great-grandfather had once gotten arrested for relations with a rabbit. However, Granger's cat and the exclusive Dark Lord? Draco could not fathom what was going through Voldemort's mind. The cat was beautiful, of course, but it was a thing to be prized, not touched and caressed like a pretty woman.

Draco could not believe that the great Dark Lord hadn't murdered this stupid hairball yet. The, a thought came to him. _This may all be just a plot, to crush the Mudblood, to get close enough to use her for a harsher plan,_ Draco thought.

As the long white fingers of Voldemort caressed Crookshanks's silky fur, the cat couldn't help but give in once more to the pleasure of a human's touch. He let out one strangled purr before another flick of Voldemort's yew wand hand him batting his paws against the man's cloaked chest. Crookshanks was itching to unleash his claws, but the Imperius curse would not allow it.

The cat was very suspicious about the way Voldemort was acting. Crookshanks looked up at Draco for help, but the pale boy pretended to look away. Voldemort was now stroking the cat's underside and breathing heavily. Crookshanks was trying to wriggle out of this horrible situation, but Voldemort was clinging onto him.

"Don't struggle, you fuzzy feline. The Dark Lord does as he pleases."

There was a sensitive spot on Crookshanks' tummy that Voldemort's bony fingers had surfed over. Unable to contain himself, Crookshanks let out a purr of pleasure and Draco slowly backed away from toward the exit. Voldemort's breathing became more and more unsteady as the cat's rolling purrs became louder and longer. The furball's rough tongue licked the edge of Voldemort's chin.

Draco was long gone now, not wanting to witness any more of this...this...he didn't even know what to call it. All he knew was that the Dark Lord needed some time alone with the cat.

He debated telling someone about the inappropriate behavior going on in the study, but immediately decided against it. Draco knew that he would be dead in a half a second if Voldemort knew he repeated what he had seen to anyone, ever.

However, Lucius was outside the door, waiting to see what Draco had to say about his meeting with the Dark Lord. "What did he say?" he whispered to Draco, paling when he saw his son's frightened face. Draco was unable to keep the secret safe. He looked horrified as he told his father, "He…he's planning on doing…things…with…a cat."

If possible, Lucius paled even more. "He—what?"

"I don't know how, and I don't know why. But I do know what I saw in there, and that cat is in for a long night."

**Oh, good Godric. I will admit that writing this was the highlight of my weekend. Seriously, try it sometime. Make sure to check out AmazingWingedGirl, MysticalButterfly98, and Ohsnapitsraven and send them all your love. MysticalButterfly98 and Ohsnapitsraven are going to post a variation of this with an alternate ending at some point, so message one of us to find out when that is. **

**FLAMES ARE WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS!**

**RainbowRepublic and her amazing, beautiful, hardworking, funny co-writers. **


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